RHEA: June 2006

Nothing goes right.
I need a break!
Don't know what to do.
Don't know what's right.
Confused.
Trapped!

Career, not sure about that.
Personal life....not sure about it.
Both just go in circles...
Like a wheel, sometimes up, sometimes down.
Few weeks both ok, few weeks both disaster!
When it's chaos, don't know what to do to avoid the same disaster!

Bottomline with career is stress.
Not paid enough, not recognized enough.
Basically, I'm a slave!
They promise you things but they're all words after all.
It just brings out the worst in me.
When I think of this, I'm more convinced to give it up.
Been contemplating to leave but don't know when's the right time.
At the end of the day I know I will leave anyway.

With personal life....
Not accepted enough, not recognized enough.
Basically, I'm a slave too!
He promised me stuff but they're all words too.
It doesn't bring the worst in me though.
When I think of this, I'm not that completely convinced to give it up just yet.
It's emotionally draining, unlike career.
It's not as easy to leave as you put your heart in it.
I wish I know how I can resolve this.

I need time to think,
time to assess myself.
Time to be alone and see the world on my own.
Maybe that way, I can put myself together and plan my life like I used to...on my own.
It's less complicated when you're single...I miss that part of me...no one to consider but yourself.
I used to control my path...I was strong...that led me where I am, Sydney!
Got my permanent residence through hard work...now what's next?
I guess career and personal life...hmm, don't know about that.

Wish I'm home to feel family's warmth and support.
But I've got a new home now....empty and chaotic...I asked for it!
I've got a partner but still feels empty.
Now I don't know if it's worth staying here.
Maybe leave and just come back when I've got kids to raise up?

Life here is hard and sad when you'r alone.
It is a struggle...emotionally.
Life back home i hard but happy, you're not alone.
It is a struggle....financially.

Wish Dad's here by my side to give me comfort and words of wisdom.
Wish someone can understand what I'm going through here.
Wish someone can be with me to support me.
Wish work is less stressful.
Wish he could accept me as what I am.
Wish I can find a way to get out of this trap.
Wish things can be better.
Wish I'm not too sensitive...
Wish I'm over this pre-menstrual syndrome!!!