LIMBO

Things are limbo at the moment. My boyfriend, or shall I say ex-boyfriend and I are not together anymore. Things were running smooth for the first time between us. His mum came about three weeks ago. I looked forward to meeting her...I was excited. She was to stay for two weeks. First week of her stay was good. But on the second week, things changed. She said things to Craig about me....Craig got confused. The relationship became shakey once more. Now, Craig wants time out to sort out what he really likes. I would have wanted to work it out...I don't know about him. He says he would need months. What am I suppose to do?...wait? I think I've got no choice but to move on. If he comes back, he comes back but I don't know where I'd be by then. I hope I'd still be wanting him but who knows. Who would have thought that by his mum's negative comments about me he'll have second thoughts with me. What does that tell me? I should read between the lines. I was crushed but I draw strength by just thinking of his behavior.

Self esteem was low. Somehow I questioned myself what I did wrong. It's especially hard to handle this when you're away from home no family to support you physically. Luckily, I've established good friends though not many who are giving me support. Of course, they would say their opinions about things and they'd side me..that I did what I had to do. I consulted a priest so I'd have an unbiased view...still he didn't say anything that I did wrong. My emotions at the moment is like a roller coaster ride. At times I'm ok then suddenly I'd feel really low. Couldn't sleep nor work well. Good thing I told my manager what I'm going through, now I've got support at work...making me stronger. When I feel too much pain and anger, I just pray. I pray that He'd make it go away. Last night, while tossing and turning in bed, an idea occur to me...counselling! I thought, I want to understand myself better. I believe in doing this, I'll be able to handle my relationship (Craig or the next guy in my life) more efficiently. Through this, atleast something good has come out from my situation.

I went on with my idea, booked an appointment to see a counsellor. This is so very new to me, new experience. After the session, I felt lighter. It's good therapy. The session reaffirmed myself that I'm actually not damaged (like what Craig's mum claims), that I'm perfectly normal. That I may be a product of my past but I turned out fine. He gave me modules to read and answer for my next session next week. Counselling is a bit heavy in the wallet but I don't mind if the end result would be a better me, it's worth it. I just wish Craig and I did this before. If we could have done this, than maybe we wouldn't be in limbo right now. I hope it's not too late....