He's gone...

Is this all what life is about? I'm just tired....nothing seems to fill up that big void within me.

If you look deep inside my heart...you will see that I'm not that in love anymore. I think now I can say I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm not to blame...circumstances have led me to this point. It wasn't by choice.

It's all good....

It's the last day of the year. What have I done in the year that was? Well, I'm proud to say that I was able to do the list of things I made on my blog last year....except for one thing though...improve my love life. Since I found out that writing down a list is very much effective, I thought of doing another one for 2008 (not in order)...
1. Continue with my counseling sessions
2. Learn a language or two
3. Enroll in photography course
4. Be a gym buff / physically fit
5. Spend on shopping once in a while
6. Read more books
7. Improve on my paintings
8. Exert more effort on meeting guys
9. Invite friends for dinner at home
10. Enroll in make up course
11. Get my citizenship
12. Travel ( Europe and America )
13. Be promoted to assistant manager and maybe manager by the end of the year
14. Be in a stable and healthy relationship
15. Work harder, save more money, spend enough, pay credit card!

One day, I know, I'll find someone who'll complement me. I don't deny I've got issues, but so as everyone else. I know he's out there, waiting for me. He's the one who truly accepts me, who truly is fond of me despite my shortcomings. I know I definitely have something to offer, contrary to what someone has claimed about me. Obviously, he didn't see it in me. He was busy looking at my faults rather than looking at a bigger picture. My sister once told me....when you're in a relationship, you're supposed to be feeling good about yourself....well, I felt the opposite. I witnessed how my self esteem was just crushed into pieces, how my confidence just went downhill. He made me feel that I was incapable of handling a relationship. It came to a point where I felt more confident without him than around him...I never seemed to do anything right with him.

When we find ourselves attracted to somebody often we think that this person is going to fulfil all our dreams... be the perfect partner. This is a myth. No one person will give you everything. To put all your eggs in one basket will inevitably lead to disappointment. Our greatest expectations can be the greatest source of our disappointments. By concentrating all our efforts and reliance on one person the pressure is really on... on for that other person. If they don't produce the goods, they will have failed you. You will add more pressure and eventually... things will blow-up.